Movie Review: Ruby Sparks

Ruby Sparksis the story of a wunderkind writer, Calvin, who wrote a masterpiece as a teenager. Now in his  thirties, he's trying to come up with a second novel. He's suffering from writer's block. It's terrible. He's seeing a shrink and his only real friend is his brother. He's gotten a puppy called Scotty, who appears to be as neurotic as he is (he pees like a girl dog), in the vague hope that a dog will help him meet people when he's hiking.

One night he dreams about a beautiful red headed girl, back-lit by the sun, and begins to write about her. His writer's block seems cured- he's writing obsessively about Ruby, as though through the typewriter he's actually spending time with her. He realizes that he's falling in love with this character- and that she isn't real. But he is too lonely, too full of anxiety to stop writing.

That's when Ruby turns up in his kitchen, exactly as he'd envisioned her in the dream, munching on cereal. He's terrified at first, convinced that he's losing his mind. When he takes her out on the street and strangers can see her too, he stops resisting. Why shouldn't he fall in love with her? After all, she's the perfect woman, his dream girl! She was made for him- by him.

Now, in a typical romantic comedy, things would play out from here along the silliest and most trivial lines. But here, they go for the jugular to get at the heart of what makes relationships so difficult.

All relationships are like a mirror. The people we love show us things about ourselves. A new lover, especially reflects a version of yourself that you want to believe in and adore. But as time goes on, the beautiful light fades. We are forced to see ourselves as we really are in the mundane, day-to-day moments of our lives. When faced with our own imperfections, we don't want to gaze as closely at ourselves, and so we begin to look for imperfections in the other person instead.

That moment of dissatisfaction is where the premise of Ruby Sparks gets really interesting. What if you can change the person you're in love with? What if you can control what they say and do? This is the perfect scenario, right? They will love you unconditionally, and you will never have to change.

Calvin tries to resist at first, but it starts to look as if Ruby might not stay with him left to her own free will, and he changes the rule book. He begins to tinker with her, adding lines to his novel so that she will adore him more, never want to leave him, and be miserable without him. She becomes despondent when he goes out to get the mail. In following scenes, she clings to him like a drowning man to a piece of driftwood. Unable to take life as a conjoined twin, he writes instead that she is filled with joy. Suddenly Ruby is deliriously  vacantly, creepily happy about absolutely everything.

Calvin discovers that controlling Ruby's thoughts and feelings destroys his reasons for loving her. Free will is essential to the idea of true love. It's part of the mystery of it- that someone could have the planet full of people to chose from, and from those billions, they plucked you, and you them. What a beautiful mystery!

I won't spoil the resolution for you, I will simply say that this film was a wonderfully thorough investigation of why and how love works and how freedom and risk are the only ways to the ecstasy of true love.

Quirky Picks for Valentine's Day

Say Anything Illustration from  Hello Small World

I don't know about you, but I have a love/hate relationship with Valentine's day. It's not because I'm bitter and sitting alone with a bottle of wine. I love the love part- I get a kick out of making valentine's and sending them out to EVERYONE I care about. In this regard, I dig the cheesy, corny, silly, kistchy, kid friendly nature of the day.

What so often goes wrong is the romance part. It so easily turns into something torrid- a flat sugared up version of passion that is sex-shop tacky. Think lacy red polyester lingerie, reservations at a fondue restaurant (Seriously, what's so romantic about melted cheese on bread cubes?) the obligatory FTD red rose arrangements and heart shaped Jacuzzis.

I'm looking for a Valentine's day that is quirkier, or more grown up than all the usual cliches. Although I confess, there is no color that screams passion better than RED. Check out my Etsy picks for Valentine's Day right over here. Also, make sure to watch Say Anythingagain this month sometime. I bet it inspires you to make a mix tape for someone you love. Don't forget this song.

August: Going Steady Cake

August’s Cake of the Month is really a cake from June and the truth is, I was feeling too blue about Dan & Lisa leaving the Big Island to write this post. In Heartburn, Nora Ephron wrote about how when you are part of a couple, you date other couples until you find a pair you want to go steady with, and then you do everything together. She describes a foursome that go to great lengths and long adventures to find great food and happy moments together. 

Dan, Lisa, Eric and I cooked pizzas, drank fancy chartreuse cocktails, went on long hikes, paddleboarded, sewed, hot tubbed and went hunting wild turkeys. We spent entire afternoons at our favorite black sand beach. We had very boozy all day long Thanksgiving dinners and Easter brunches. We waited three hours in a parking lot icy Waimea to get Jack Johnson tickets. We went steady with Dan and Lisa. 

Their last party was celebrating everything- their engagement, Lisa’s Birthday, selling all their stuff, and their precious time in Hawaii. It surprised me how sad I felt to see them go. After all, we'd only really known each other two years. But these two charming people are so crazy in love with each other, and with life itself, that knowing them makes you feel more in love with the world you live in too. I was sad to lose them as a daily part of our lives- where you don't have to tidy up or change out of your sweatpants before they come over. You can root around in their fridge, and they can root around in yours. You know each other's secrets and complaints, pet peeves and favorites and your text history is pages and pages long.  

Anyway, I wanted to tell them all of this but knew I would cry, so I decided to bake a really beautiful cake instead. I spent a few days on an almond cake, in a very classic wedding style. It was a rich yellow cake with  a light almond flavor, whipped cream, raspberry filling, loaded up with rich fluffy buttercream and the sides coated with more toasted almond slices. I put two little yellow birds on top and cradled it in my lap on the bumpy south Kona road and through the leafy greens of the coffee farms up to their sweet little cottage in the woods.

All their friends came out to say farewell and everyone brought something delicious to share. Lisa outdid herself (as usual) with braised ribs and bruschetta and stuffed mushrooms and Dan built a big bon fire in the backyard, and his friend who runs the Kava farm brewed Kava and served it in hollowed out coconut shells and we all relaxed and talked and ate and celebrated all the many ways you can love other people. And then they cut the cake, and I made them feed little pieces to each other, and they were embarrassed, but they did it anyway, and then everyone had a slice and a glass of champagne and toasted these two people who so obviously belong together and are so well loved by anyone and everyone who knows them.  And I didn’t cry, my eyes just got a little watery, because of love, love, love.