We're nearing the eye of the storm...I'm longing for that stillness.

Today is the last non-event day before the wedding...OH! Both Eric and I are totally strung out and sleep deprived. Its really hard to sleep with the pressure of this big party...we both lay awake at night thinking of all the things that have to come off just so... and all the people and politics and of course he's at his mom's and I'm at my mom's and we aren't really used to sleeping apart.

The last few days have been filled with friends (Jessica's here at last thank goodness) and family arriving and more last minute shopping and frantic baking for the Barbecue of Love. My sainted mother is making not one, not two but six pies. We went and picked out flowers at the wholesaler's yesterday...It was wonderful fun...we chose dahlias, sunflowers, kermit poms, rununculus (redonculous!) scented geranium, heather, cockscomb, oriental lilies, Eucharist lilies and narine lilies. We filled an entire rolling cart and added some bittersweet and sparkles for my bouquet at the last minute. We took everything home to my mom's and cleaned them and put them in water and then stashed them in the garage (which is as close as we can get to refrigeration). It is really odd to walk into a musty garage stuffed with rusty rakes and recycling bins and axes and snow shovels and bags of salt to find six laundry detergent buckets brimming over with yellows and oranges and reds and to find the surprising smell of plants and spring.

My mom was feeling sad yesterday and we cried together a little. This sadness that accompanies a wedding is a bit unexpected. I guess its because some things have to come to an end with any new beginning. And so I won't be her baby in quite the same way anymore. And she loves Eric and is happy for us, but feels sad to let me go. And I feel sad to go, although I don't quite understand yet (since I'm not a mother). I suppose it is sort of unspeakable and that is a powerful thing, something that you don't want to ruin by talking about too much. I'm glad we decided to make a big deal about this. Its definitely a mile marker in our lives and needed to be duly celebrated.