1) There is something luxurious about it. Time has always been more valuable to me than money. But now! Time unfurls before me in almost unimaginable stretches. How to make the most of it? How to find the opportunities? The gifts?
2) Fear, panic and worry are lurking beneath every moment like the dark shapes of sharks in water. Many friends have mentioned these waves of emotion that can catch and hurtle you so unexpectedly. My mind has run every possible worst case scenario on high speed fast forward hundreds of times. Hospitals lined with trenches of bodies. Or never again leaving the house without a mask and hand sanitizer in my purse. Or worse, never leaving the house again. Not to mention the visions of harm to my children or grandparents, which I can't even bear to write out.
3) We are so lucky. To have this ten acres to roam. To have food falling from the trees. To have a routine that was relatively undisturbed by this- our children are not yet in school and my husband and I work alternate days so one of us can always be with them. What about people who live paycheck to paycheck, or are undocumented or sick, or were all alone to begin with? How can I reach and care for them?
4) My digital life is so important right now. These virtual connections are suddenly precious. I've never video called so much in my life. And it feels good to see another face looking back at you, even when it is tense or frightened or a little giddy from all this down time.
5) I am witnessing the Fall of Rome. Any illusions or hopes we had about America being the only world superpower are crumbling before our eyes. Watching Trump so painfully out of his depth has actually kindled a little of my compassion for him. I can only look at this on the macro/global level or the micro/local level. The national news frenzy lights up my anxiety like a hissing bomb fuse.
6) Limiting news exposure feels essential. Right now I am limiting my news consumption to 15 minutes while my children are taking their naps. (Or aiming for that anyway). My digital diet feels as important as my actual food intake right now. I can only ingest so much additional worry and fear without being poisoned.
7) Father Richard Rohr and the Center for Action and Contemplation are doing so much to help me make this crisis meaningful. Because it is an opportunity for a profound transformation. A chance to confront our deepest fears and watch them lose their hold on us as we move through them. Whether the fears become realized or pass us over, simply repressing them will not work.
Something in me finds this challenge immensely satisfying. How can I look my fear in the face? How can I summon all my courage and human compassion and rise to this moment? Because all of us find ourselves here, now, for a reason.
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