Edith Wharton on Intimacy, Self Knowledge and Passion

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, and have had that singular pleasure of finding connections between each and every book I'm delving into-each one leading to the next like an illuminated path. These passages from Edith Wharton in a recent Writer's Almanac relate beautifully to an excellent book I am immersed in called Passionate Marriage. I especially loved the feminine perspective she offers. I wonder how many women feel just this way but are unable to articulate it.

"Do you know what I was thinking last night, when you asked me, &; I couldn't tell you? — Only that the way you've spent your emotional life while I've ... hoarded mine, is what puts the great gulf between us, & sets us not only on opposite shores, but at hopelessly distant points of our respective shores. Do you see what I mean?

"And I'm so afraid that the treasures I long to unpack for you, that have come to me in magic ships from enchanted islands, are only, to you, the old familiar red calico & beads of the clever trader, who has had dealing with every latitude, & knows just what to carry in the hold to please the simple native — I'm so afraid of this, that often & often I stuff my shining treasures back into their box, lest I should see you smiling at them!

"Well! And what if you do? It's your loss, after all! And if you can't come into the room without my feeling all over me a ripple of flame, & if, wherever you touch me, a heart beats under your touch, & if, when you hold me, & I don't speak, it's because all the words in me seem to have become throbbing pulses, & all my thoughts are a great golden blur — why should I be afraid of your smiling at me, when I can turn the beads & calico back into such beauty —?"

In her short story "The Fullness of Life" she famously wrote:

"You have hit upon the exact word; I was fond of him, yes, just as I was fond of my grandmother, and the house that I was born in, and my old nurse. Oh, I was fond of him, and we were counted a very happy couple. But I have sometimes thought that a woman's nature is like a great house full of rooms: there is the hall, through which everyone passes in going in and out; the drawing room, where one receives formal visits; the sitting-room, where the members of the family come and go as they list; but beyond that, far beyond, are other rooms, the handles of whose doors perhaps are never turned; no one knows the way to them, no one knows whither they lead; and in the innermost room, the holy of holies, the soul sits alone and waits for a footstep that never comes."
"And your husband," asked the Spirit, after a pause, "never got beyond the family sitting-room?"
"Never," she returned, impatiently; "and the worst of it was that he was quite content to remain there. He thought it perfectly beautiful, and sometimes, when he was admiring its commonplace furniture, insignificant as the chairs and tables of a hotel parlor, I felt like crying out to him: 'Fool, will you never guess that close at hand are rooms full of treasures and wonders, such as the eye of man hath not seen, rooms that no step has crossed, but that might be yours to live in, could you but find the handle of the door?'"

Adding Ms. Wharton to the book que immediately! These thoughts intertwine exactly with Dr. Snarch's ideas on how to create and nurture intimacy in a marriage, not through co-dependency but by using your marriage to strengthen your own brilliant light and that of the person you love at the same moment. He calls it "healing the past in the present".

With Valentine's Day looming, I wish each of you the courage and bravery to share the most gorgeous rooms of yourself with the person you love and to be dazzled by their treasures in turn.

Bunny with a Toolbelt Meets Stop Action Animation

If you've spun around Etsy a time or two, you may already be familiar with the cheerful, whimsical sculpture of Bunny With a Toolbelt. I was delighted to see that Hilary has featured her creations in this charming stop action animation clip. (The Dachshunds are my favorites, of course!) Enjoy!

for the love of DOG from Hilary Pfeifer on Vimeo.

How do you spend your solitude?

The Last Wave of the Day from the wonderful photography shop Elgarboart

A friend recently posted a quote from William Temple on her Facebook page that read "Your religion is how you spend your solitude."

Those are powerful words. The things that we SAY are important to us are belied by what we actually DO, especially when alone with ourselves. There are so many things I want more time for in my daily life.

Appreciating nature

Cooking- especially as a way of connecting with the place I live

Writing

Reading

Time getting to know my wonderful husband better still. (It amazes me how parts of him can still be such a mystery to me after ten plus years together.)

Meditation

Focus

Notably absent from this list are the things I spend an inordinate amount of time actually doing:

Getting sucked down the rabbit hole of the internet

Watching Television or Movies

Shopping, both online and off

Crafting- I have more thinking to do on this, but I think it has to do with my urge to "rescue" things.

Taking on the concerns of others.

The time spent doing these things flies by- it's almost as if no time passes at all, because they are pleasurable and yet unsubstantial. The enjoyment they offer is fleeting while the things in the first list help to cultivate a life of the spirit. Those tasks are harder to get started on with all the distractions available to escape into, but what they offer is more worthwhile. The question is how to create new patterns for my solitude so that it matches up better with my ideals.

Have you developed any ways of combating the distractions and excuses? I could use some ideas. How are your resolutions going? How are you going to make 2011 a more thoughtful year of life? One that you are engaged and excited by? (And I'm not talking about diets either).

Feathering my Nest with a little help from Momma D and Jonathan Adler

One of my many Christmas gifts from Momma D was this divine Peacock from Jonathan Adler . Doesn't he look swell decked out in nude peacock feathers? The tropical climate and ants conspired to eliminate his utility as lolipop holder, so I ordered feathers instead. (Just as frivolous, don't you agree?) It was hard to stop at just 30 bleached peacock feathers when I saw all the amazing colors and varieties of feathers available at Beary Box. A girl could really go crazy with all that plumage.

Many thanks Momma D! Will you do the honor of naming him for me?

What's putting a Spring in my Step? Raffia Oxfords!

The photo of these raffia oxfords was violently ripped from the catalog and popped straight onto my inspiration board. I don't need ANOTHER pair of shoes, but they reminded me so much of Springtime, Gatsby, Tennis on Grass and Champagne Picnics in the British Countryside that I'm considering it nonetheless. What are you wearing right now?

Book Report: The Long Way

I'd been meaning to read The Long Way ever since watching Deep Water and this year Eric put a copy under the tree for me. I zoomed through it in about a week.

This book is Bernard Moitessier's memoir of his bid to be the first man to sail around the world single handed in the 1962 Golden Globe Race. Though the book was filled with technical details that were quite incomprehensible to a landlubber like myself, it was also filled with beautiful insights about what it means to be human and what he saw as the spiritual bankruptcy of modern life.

During his 8 months alone at sea, he realized that he could not go back to Europe to accept a prize that he felt was incompatible with the lessons he had learned during his solitude. Instead, he decided to give up his lead in the race and continue sailing to Tahiti.

Besides physical bravery in the face of giant waves and damaged equipment, besides the mental fortitude to make it through so much time without any human contact, I have to admire his courage to remain true to his spirit, even when fame and wealth beckoned. That is real strength.

I wonder what I would learn about myself in the metaphorical sea... Do you ever have fantasies of going off on a journey to sort yourself out? What would your trip look like?

Frida Meets Valentino

I have a great weakness for Taschen books. They are always so beautifully composed, with huge, luscious color photographs. I like to leave them open around the house and turn the pages every week or so to have a new piece of art staring at me. I liked the juxtaposition of this page in Valentino with this page in Frida . They seemed to fit together perfectly: the pomegranates, guitar and still life drapery against Frida's knitted brow and crown of flowers. I think she and Valentino would have understood each other, if they'd been able to get past their politics. (Because which designer loves capitalism in general and money in particular more than Valentino?!) What are your favorite art books?

Movie Review: Deep Water

Editors Note: This post was originally meant to be published in January of 2008, (eek!) but apparently it never got past the DRAFT section of Blogger. I hope you enjoy it now, and it also pertains to another post coming up later this week.

Happy Viewing!

-Becky

Last night we watched the documentary Deep Waterabout the 1962 Golden Globe Challenge. The contest was to see if one man could sail around the world non stop. Eleven men accepted the challenge, including the Dark horse candidate, Donald Crowhurst. He was relatively inexperienced although he built navigational equipment for a living, he had never attempted a long voyage before. Sailing around the world singlehanded is still regarded as an enormously challenging undertaking- the immense solitude, herculean physical demands and violent south seas all pose infinite challenges. But today, sailors use GPS and satellites, have better food provisions and can be in constant radio contact. In 1962, heading to sea single handed to circumnavigate the globe wasn't so different from going to the moon.

This movie was excellent, with narration by Tilda Swinton and interviews with a lot of the major players, but what I loved most about it was the way it investigated the psychology of a loser. The heroic personality who places himself against some mighty task, suffers, and ultimately triuphs is familiar ground. But what about the fellow who puts himself to the ultimate test and finds out that he is weak, incompetent and a cheat? Then what?

Joseph Campbell talks a lot about how water in mythology is a powerful metaphor for the subconsious. So going to sea in a tiny yacht is like pitting yourself against all the might of the self in you that you do not know. And Donald Crowhurst's unknown self was deep and powerful, just like a furious ocean. His story is an incredible one, told here with all the drama and revelation of the best movie making techniques.

Right in line with my Non-Fictional Man Versus Nature streak, huh? What films are you watching lately?

New Year, New You: Wardrobe Re-Invention

A friend recently asked me to help re-imagine her wardrobe. As we talked about her look, these elements seemed important to her:

-Simplicity
-Ease
-Mix and Match
-Handmade or Second Hand for Eco Friendliness

And these are my ideas of what could work well for her:

-Basics with a twist
-Garments that do Double Duty
-Nautical Touches
-Neutral, go with anything solids
-Faded Colors that feel worn from sun, wind and salt
-Drape

-Stolen from Boyfriend's Closet

See my "inspiration board" live on Etsy over here!

This beautiful bag has a nautical feel but is neutral enough to work with every outfit. The detachable straps turn it into an instant clutch!

The sportiness and versatility of this top couldn't be easier.

I can't ever resist a sprinkle of sparkle. How perfect is this locket?
A little inspiration for the weathered color palette.

Who can resist the spunkiness of a pair of well loved cowboy boots?

This lightweight cardigan is perfect for Hawaii, but it's also a great example of "basic with a twist". Look how sexy that skin becomes peeking through the little keyhole between the cardi and simple white tank! Beautiful. And not an accessory in sight.

A dress you can wear 7 ways? That says "working wardrobe" to me!

These sweet little flats add just the right dash of vintage meets urban. I love mixing metallics since they go with ANYTHING.
This dreamy photograph had all the perfect shades of color. Don't you love the faded romance of it?

Before & After: Glitzing up a Christmas Stocking

Snagged a cableknit stocking at an After Christmas Sale. I thought it needed just a little more panache...

So I added some sequins. With hot glue. Because I'm lazy. Besides, who washes a Christmas stocking?

Ta da! Now it's all packed away to sparkle for me next year. Have you "upscaled" anything lately?

Death by Chocolate Mini Bar!

I impulsively bought a stash of these Anthon Berg Chocolate Liqueurs at Costco recently. (They are miniature. This does a lot for rationalization in the world of The Fab Miss B.) The box has elegant little French Doors that quite remind me of throwing caution to the wind and tossing open the door to the mini bar in a Fancy Hotel. The only thing missing is the glow of other worldly light and a heavenly chorus chiming in. Let's just say they are taking the sting out of my Monday evenings. A friend suggested cracking the little chocolate bottles over the top of some very good vanilla ice cream. As if I need encouragement. What are you treating yourself to lately?

I Fiori di Primavera (The Flowers of Spring)

I snatched up several amaryllis and paper white bulb kits at Target's after Christmas sale for $2.00. (You can't even buy a ceramic pot for that price!) Anyway, they are all begining to bloom so prettily and inspired this spring collection that will bloom all year round no matter where you live.

I love the soft glow cast by this Paperwhite Table Lamp. It would be just the thing to light up the dark corner of a dresser.

This dainty Linen Pincushion looks so beautifully made! It would inspire lots of excellent craftsmanship, no doubt.

Deck out the sofa in a beautiful assortment of Ikat pillows in a luscious hodgepodge of patterns and pretend you're off on a trip to Morroco.

And speaking of hodgpodge, have you ever sent a letter with a collage of Vintage Postage? So pretty!

Why not call up a little spring romance with a Missed Connections Print? I love his twirly mustache and day dreamy expression!

A fluttering Rococo Shawl in buttercup yellow will keep you warm till it really is spring.

A close up of papery Poppy petals to fill your heart with the promise of spring. Sneak a peek of the collection live on Etsy right over here! What's on your radar for spring? Or is it still WAY too early to think about it?

Lava Hunting on The Big Island of Hawaii

Over Christmas break, Eric and I took a trip to the other side of our island to check out Volcano National Park. The park itself was quite crowded (the holidays are a busy time for tourism in Hawaii). We drove around the park, and hiked a bit, but weren't able to spot any lava. The next day we stumbled upon the lava fields at Kalapana while trying to find a black sand beach. To our surprise and delight, there was fresh lava flowing!


It was absolutely mesmerizing to watch this molten rock meandering down the cracks and crevices left by earlier floes.

Curious, Eric tossed some dried twigs in the lava's path. Of course it ignited immediately- the lava is around 1400 degrees. You could feel the heat of it radiating on your face and hands even from ten feet away. The air was shimmering with hot air and gasses.

Eric loved this. We stared at it for ages.

The lava cools into beautiful patterns and the minerals rise to the surface of the rock making it sparkle and shine. These minerals must erode away quickly because I've never noticed so much shine in the lava rock where we live in Kona.

This was a great adventure that I would highly recommend to visitors to the Big Island. Have you ever visited Hawaii? What was the most memorable part of your visit?

Ce Parfum, C'est Moi!

My Mum has a knack for giving me gifts that weren't on my list, that I doubt I can carry off, hem and haw about using, and then promptly fall madly in love with and receive a gillion compliments on. (Like this Michael Kors watch which is still turning heads!)

This year it was a new fragrance- the most difficult, ephemeral and personal gift to give, don't you think? She chose 3 L'Imperatrice by D&G and I LOVE IT. It's way bolder than what I normally choose for myself, with a lot more spice and citrus than any fragrance I've ever worn.

The advertizing features the vile Naomi Cambell, but my Mum mentioned that it was also inspired by the Tarot. This piqued my interest because The Empress is a card that comes up in my readings (which I do with the classic Giant Rider-Waite deck) again and again.

From Wikipedia:

According to Waite's The Pictorial Key to the Tarot, The Empress is not Regina Coeli (the Blessed Virgin Mary), but rather a Refugium Peccatorum - a fruitful mother of thousands: she is above all things universal fecundity and the repository of all things nurturing and sustaining, and of feeding others.

The Empress is mother, a creator and nurturer. In many decks she can be shown as pregnant. She can represent the creation of life, of romance, of art or business. The Empress can represent the germination of an idea before it is ready to be fully born. The Empress is often associated with Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love, and indeed the Rider-Waite deck brandishes her symbol upon a heart-shaped bolster. The Empress is also often interpreted to be Demeter, goddess of abundance. She is the giver of earthly gifts, although at the same time, she can be overprotective and possessive. In anger she can withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. Due to her fury and grief, Demeter keeps the Earth cold and barren until Spring when her child is returned to her.

I can't help but see myself in this definition- a person who creates and nurtures but sometimes withholds in anger. I also love the references to abundance, beauty and creativity- this is a lesson that is quite hard won in my own life that I intend to share with as many people as I possibly can. The more I live the more I realize that if you want abundance and beauty in your life, you have to practice it, welcome it. Not someday, but right now. And that means letting go of the idea of clinging to and hoarding creativity or happiness. Instead, you have to let it flow through you so that the channel gets wider and deeper and ready for more more more. Quite a lot to sniff out of one little bottle of perfume, don't you agree?

Do you wear perfume? I never really feel "dressed" without it.

DIY with the Fab Miss B: Easy Fruit Pyramid Centerpieces

We held a small brunch on New Year's day to welcome 2011. It was a very low key affair, but at the last minute I decided to make some centerpieces with what I had handy. I used some cake plates and loaded them with lemons and tangerines (courtesy of Costco) and some greenery from the back yard. Of course, you could use whatever fruit you have handy. So easy, but it brought such a nice touch of color to the table and made it feel more like a party. I made the cake plate myself with vintage china and thrifted candlesticks awhile back- here's how I did it if you'd like to try it out!